When I was single, I would call my sister every day just to chat about anything and everything. We would talk about what student in her class got on her last nerves and what she planned on making for dinner. We talked my entire drive home. She would hang up just as I would get to my apartment. The silence in my small apartment was deafening. I felt this emptiness in my heart. I didn’t want to be alone, so I would scroll through my contacts and see who I can call or text. But then I would stop and think:
“They are probably busy”
“Do I have anything important to talk to them about?”
“Am I bothering them?”
“Will they even pick up and want to chat with me?”
I would scroll through all the names on my phone and eventually I would talk myself out of calling anyone. I made up stories in my head that everyone was busy and they didn’t have time to talk to me. Negative thoughts would run through my head that no one wanted to spend time with me and if they loved me they would call. Sitting in my loneliness, I would have imaginary conversations with myself. Sometimes, I would even talk to myself out loud. Anything to fill the void of the emptiness of my place.
There were times when the stories and negative thoughts would overwhelm me. The loneliness would make me isolate and retreat from everyone. I would go days without calling anyone. Even with over 300+ contacts, no one would call or text. Days would go by and no one would reach out. When you live alone, the days felt like weeks, and this lead me to believe that nobody cared, that nobody loved me, that I wasn’t important or that if I disappeared, no one would notice.
The reality of it is, they all cared, they all loved me, and had I only reached out, they would have answered or called me back. My sister would have invited me over, my best friend would have asked me to hang out, my co-worker would have chatted with me and my loneliness would have subsided.
In our loneliness, we tend to believe things that are not true. We make up stories in our minds and replay scenarios in our head that are far from reality.
You are not alone.
Don’t wait for them to call you. Reach out to your family and friends. Because of this pandemic, I know we can’t exactly go to dinner or visit each other but hearing their voice can help you feel less alone. You are not bothering anyone. Know that hearing your voice probably made their day. They are your loved ones and they care about you. This pandemic has us all feeling more alone but there are so many ways to stay connected.
Humans needs love. We need our loving tribe to succeed and thrive. Let go of the fear of rejection. When you dial their name or send a text, your family and friends are excited to hear from you. Know that you are important, you are supported, you are never alone and you are surrounded by love. You just need to reach out and allow yourself to receive the love.